An Evening of Ponderance in Providence

Providence

Allow me to preface this stream of a consciousness rambling I call a blog post by saying that this is a candid, impromptu exploration of my faith. For those of you who are uninterested in the subject matter, I can’t blame you if you skip on to another post of this blog (there are many that do not explicitly deal with the topic). To be quite frank, this post is more for me than anyone else. I personally hate it when my friends get all self-righteous and preachy, throwing bible verses all over social media but never living it out in real social situations. So I try to do the opposite. To do more than I say; but I’ve realized sometimes it’s just a guise to allow myself to have less to be publicly accounted for.

I think it’s safe to say we all have our vices. And I imagine most of us will expand our … “un-blessed” palette from time to time just for the sake of a new experience to distract us. Sometimes this manifests itself in a impulsive moment of  indulgence, or perhaps its a slow, calculated, and premeditated act that we’ve rationalized into personal acceptance over time. Regardless, I’ve personally found that these instances come to fruition when I’ve created a space in my life without God. It’s my “Holy Shelter”. Not a shelter of holiness, but rather unfortunately, from it.

It’s weird, especially as an adult, when we – more than any other point before this – understand the concept of action and reaction, deed and consequence. Yet whether on a subconscious or fully actualized level, we weigh out options, skew our perception, and choose the outcome that brings the more instant, earthly tangible result. I believe it to be an inherent facet of our sinful nature, one that is seemingly more often visited in our first world status environment than in other places of the world. Not to say that sin isn’t prevalent everywhere, but I’m proposing that the more affluent the society, the more we battle with the morality of it. We intellectualize it and compartmentalize it, all because we can. Or at least, I do. And that’s a dangerous, selfish, and foolishly one-dimensional way of looking at it. Really we’re splitting hairs here.

It’s kind of ironic, to have all of this marinate in my head during some down time in a city called Providence. I’m not trying to step onto a soap box or get into some type of religious/theological debate. It’s just I’ve come to the realization that the phrase “Your Grace is enough for me” tends to only apply when I let it. It’s not deficient in any way, and never has God’s Grace left me in want; but same time I’m not always accepting of God’s providence – and that’s when I ignore his gift of Grace because I know it will render whatever immediate pleasure I am seeking completely destitute and worthless. It’s kind of like me craving a fruit roll up but God offers me the finest and freshest fruit platter in his company, but I choose the artificial product for a quick sugar high in solitude.

Err, nevermind my convulated illustration. All I’m tryna say is that it’s all much simpler than I often try to make it out to be. God provides exactly what we need and should want. The key is to allow him more and more into our lives so that we can learn to desire his provisions  too. And that’s what I’ve re-discovered tonight in Providence. Now, I just need to heed my own advice and stop being a blissfully self induced, ignorant mutha sucka.